Merry Giftmas

Yeah...thats all.
Watching Adventure Time... Man it's cool.

Free for 3 weeks

And damn it feels good... The only good part about'em Holidays.
Also this pic made me die:

Depression..and cure

1)

2)                                                            Adventure Time

My art teacher is moving to Germany

And I'm really happy for her, because I know this is a huge chance, and I wouldn't like her to miss it...
I mean...I'd give anything to get as far as possible from Romania (and get my ass to Germany or something.).
I do have to confess I feel kinda sorry cause she helped me a lot during these 4 years and I really really like her... And I sure as hell will miss her.
Another bad part is that we don't know when a new art teacher will come to our school...And I don't wanna spend the rest of our school year doing only music. 'Ω'
Or when a new teacher comes...I hope he/she will be as good as this one...I mean, I don't want some indifferent fuck or some twat who will only talk about art history and do nothing with us talented kids. ಠΩಠ
So yeah...this kinda got me sad...
Well I wish her lots of luck. Damn I'll really miss her... ಠΩಠ

So I'm in the Debate Club.

In my school. Still a noobie, don't know the rules for shit. (I'm into a team of noobies. :D )
But it sounds fun and all that...Really, I saw a game today about becoming or not a vegetarian/ stopping people to eat meat. It was pretty cool, but they used vegetarian while talking about vegan (that kinda shows a small lack of documentation).
I feel kinda tired...also horribly bored lately...Can't wait for them holidays. 3 weeks of freedom, with no school and all that crap... Ow boy.
Also check out this badass video of ... Michael Gambon I assume (correct me if I'm wrong) dancing like a happy Dumbledore and Alan Rickman having one of the cutest smiles ever!

I recently realized.

That life is one of the most unfair things ever.
I mean. You're born, right? But you never asked for it...No, your parents just decide for you to exist (unfair much ). Then you start growing up, people start expecting shit from you (good grades, lots of work...etc.), and if you don't do all that shit they get pissed with you and make fits and make you feel like shit and tell you how you'll fail in life and how much you suck for being lazy and stupid and all that crap(I myself am the most lazy person I ever know. Its in my nature.).
 Then another fun part is when you can't stand to hurt yourself (I per example can't even sting myself with a needle...I just can't.) so suicide isn't an option. Therefore, you're stuck in this piece of shit life.
  And then they send your ass to a doctor cause you 'need help' because you don't love life. Just...Go fuck yourself. I never asked to be born, nor to live this crap, but hey, guess what? I can't do shit about it!
 So you end up all depressed and unable to end it all... (Also if you're unlucky to also be the ugly/untalented kid like me you'll get judged and bullied about that also.) With people thinking that you have mental problems because you don't see the world all pink.

There are many other stuff to say that are unfair about/in life...but that would simply take a lifetime (pfff xD ).
 So yeah... In conclusion, life is pretty much the most unfair shit I ever know. ಠΩಠ
 

So fuck my life.

Newest drawing.

Pretty happy with this sketch. But I still feel like I can do way better than this. ಠΩಠ

Click for full view. 

I feel sad.

Again... I feel useless , depressed, helpless and ashamed/disappointed of myself...
I have absolutely no idea why... I just get my 'emo' mode on and feel sad for weeks...then I feel well a couple of days and I turn sad again...
I sick and tired of it. I don't know if I'm going desperate or just numb.
And I really feel like talking with somebody about it, but I feel somewhat ashamed of talking about my problems... and trying to talk to my mum is useless since she'll make a bitch fit about me blaming her (sadly, I don't even blame her, I blame...I don't know...destiny? Fate?!). So yeah...talking with somebody from outside makes me feel bad and talking with somebody from inside will only cause fights... Wonderful.

I feel ugly.

I lack friends, talents, beauty, intelligence...I have/am nothing.

I'm sick of people telling me how I'm gonna end up a nobody and how fucked up I am... And how I don't have goals and how I don't care and how I don't have any feelings and how I suck at life...
I do have goals...small ones, yes...but I have them. I do care and have feelings...but the idea of showing them makes me feel horribly weak and vulnerable. And I hate that feeling.
I even feel stupid about complaining right now.
I wish I was somebody else...I don't feel like dying or anything like that...I'm scared of death, but I'm sick of my life also. I'd love if I could just metamorphose into a whole new interesting person...and leave the flawed me behind.
Or at least have something to be proud of...but I can't find shit to make me feel better. And funny enough, others can't find either...So that seems solid proof I have fuck all to make me special.
I only hope this is just a phase and shit will get better.

I'm currently getting doped on Otep. She always manages to make me feel better...Always.
Her music is the only painkiller that calms my pathetic spirit from suffering.
She saved my life so many times with her music... Tho I feel like I don't deserve that...since my being is so unimportant.


Fuck, I really need help...

First day as a lacto-ovo-vegetarian

Why did I turn vegetarian?
Well the other day I saw some really disturbing videos on PETA's website...And usually this stuff doesn't affect me very bad, but when I woke up this morning and went to eat something, I had some meat in the refrigerator...And I just simply couldn't eat it...There was this guilt feeling all around me ...like...if I eat that meat I'm a huge sinner. So I had some cheese.
I'm thinking of turning vegan in the future, but I know myself... So if I try to go straight from 'carnivore' to vegan I would probably fail...Big time...So better take one step at a time.
Well...wish me luck. ◕ ‿ ◕
And my mom still won't let me shave half of my head...*ffffffff*

Toothache...

Yep...thats all the news... This tooth of mine hurts like hell... :C
Also started reading "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen and I really like it so far. :D
And..This picture filled me with joy:

Also this song is genius.

2 things got me happy today...

1. This picture:

2. This song...Really....It filled me with joy..
.................
But since my internet is horrible and I can't post it I'm just gonna give you the title.
John Lennon- Imagine (this song is known like Hell, but still awesome)

Nicepeter actually...

made Friday by Rebecca Black sound so damn good!

You're got no idea what you're messing with here, boy...

Man, I'm singing this with one of my classmates everyday!

My life...

"What are you going to do with your life?" ...Pretty often question my teachers or friends ask. Why?

 Because I don't dream to be future Bill Gates. And I'm not even a stupid pupil, I'm a relatively good pupil , but no perfect. And that seems to bother lots of people.
 I got asked a bunch of times what do is my goal in this life. And I realized its happiness. I don't want to be a rich fancy woman with 2 mansions and like 50 cars...No, I want a nice flat ( 2-3 rooms) and maybe a car. What I really want is to be happy each and everyday of my life.
 I'm kinda sick of people these days, since at least in my country, they all try to get horribly rich and thats it. I heard none of my classmates say that they want to live a modest happy life.
And its funny how they find my goal stupid and think I'm just too lazy to want and try to be more.
 This makes me think...how many people don't dream of fame, power and money and 'only' want a normal nice happy life, without all the other stuff. 
 Stuff like this makes me remember something one of my teachers said. People these days forget how it is to be human and loose touch with their sensitive and emotional side. 
 I personally think thats very true... because you can see it in daily life ...Less and less people care about happiness and all that and only crave money.

I noticed that people with modest lives somehow seem more human than most of the rich people out there.
 Or another thing I get told is that I'm wasting my life, I'm not working for money and wealth, I'm wasting time... Am I? Really? Or am I actually living my life the way I like, happy and calm?
 What is life these days anyway? We all admire the smart kid in school who studies the whole day and who is going to have a good job because his parents want him to, or the smart kid in school who studies because he loves it and have a good job he loves?
I think I admire the second one, because he's doing that for his own pleasure, not because rich ass mommy and daddy want him to be all rich like them....
  Or maybe its just me talking smack right now...

Drawing, sleeping, eating, exams...

Pretty much my weekend and next 2 weeks for short. ._.
This is going to be horribly boring and stressful ... ;D
Can't wait for the damn summer! D: I miss sitting on my ass all day and not giving a damn...
Also I'm hungry and have no food. AND NO MONEY!
._. Have to wait till mom wakes up gimme some money to buy some food.
Also Gaia Online banned me so now I'm starting everything again. *highfive* Well its not that hard...but I still feel sorry for all the items I lost.
Also I realized recently how scared I am of cancer.

I love this song.

Its kinda the story of my life, more or less.

I like this song.

Listen to it.

Long story short...

Its nearly 11pm here, I'll soon have to go to bed.
I had to skip school pretty much all week (I went on Monday) since I got a horrible cold.
Tomorrow is Monday and now that I'm all fine I'll have to go to school...Bad thing is...I got lazy as hell, so now I'm gonna have a bitch of a time to get back in the fast and stressful ways of school...
Ow I pity myself so bad.
Well, the only thing I don't wanna do this week is get any horrible grades.

Cool Gaia Online art I got.

See, see? Isn't it cool like hell? This kind kind lady named Javot did it for me! ;D

Send Link!

This picture will always make me happy...

Drawing, drawing, drawing, diet...

So I'm drawing a lot this weekend ( Gaia Online commissions)...
And I'm on a diet. Stopped eating after 7pm...And trying to eat healthier food, but its pretty damn hard when all my parents buy is fat food! D:< AND CAKE!
So I'm trying to hold onto this diet, cause man, if I lose about 4-5 kg, I'll be happy as fuck.
Thats pretty much all I need to lose.

I really forgot about this song...

And about how much I love it...

Ow, so surreal

Today I realized ...

How cold and insensible I am.
I was walking home from school and I bumped into one of my classmates... And she was crying.
I asked her whats wrong, she didn't reply, so I just got my hand on her shoulder patting her and holding her... Then she mumbled that she felt sick. And cried some more... So I was just walking there hugging her and not knowing that the fuck to do. I just don't know what to do when somebody cries...
As we were getting near this shop I asked her if I can buy her something, she replied that she doesn't want anything and soon stopped crying.
Then we made some jokes till we ended up near my place, thats when I went home .
And I feel horrible, cause I didn't had any idea of what to do...

Just a little reminder

For me to check  Nicolae Tonitza's drawings/paintings.
I always forget names...Always.

Tired

And bored...Nothing special to do this weekend... Just messing around on Gaia Online, maybe play some XBOX...
Uuuu~ I could play some Gears of War...And cry cause of my suckyness... (Like always.)
I feel the need to eat something and I don't know what...  Or drink something...I don't know...
But man I feel tired... (Maybe I'm gonna go steal some coffee from my folks...Yeah, sounds like a plan...But oh the horrible taste....Uuuu...Mix it with some Cola maybe. ;D )

My dad called me cute.

And that means a very huge lot for me...Since he usually doesn't call me cute/pretty and all that...
Its not like he doesn't love me or that, I know he does, but he doesn't show it a lot...Or not as much as my mother. (And I think thats pretty often in lots of families.) .
Also I'm in a pretty good mood, even if we had lots of tests lately... I guess it cause I did pretty good at them...Or at least thats what I think... o_o
Weekend in 2 days. D: Them days move so damn slow...SO DAMN SLOW.

This makes me happy.

And I like being happy.

I had this dream

Where I was in school and I wanted to go in Hell, and I knew that there are some doors that lead to Hell in school, but I just couldn't get there cause of all the classes and teacher...
So, after lots of classes and all that, I managed to walk to those doors...that lead to the Hell gates.
AND THE HELL GATES WERE CLOSED! >:O

Then I woke up...Dizzy and confused...and a little pissed... xD

Ow damn, hand!

So...I woke up this night I don't know why...and my hand was numb as shit...Then I fell asleep again...very damn fast...THEN I woke up again...and my hand was numb...
My tired and sleepy mind thought that my hand is numb for ever! xD
Scared the living hell outta me.

WEEKEND! ;D

I feel beautiful.

Cause I'm perfectly flawed...

I remember...

When I first heard this song...Man...I was shaking and had a huge smile on my face...I love you, Otep. *u*

Diesel.

This picture officially made my whole weekend.

Ow sweet weekend!

So...again, like in every school year, every damn week I'm crying after the damn weekend.
I'm pretty free this weekend since I have about 6 problems at math and 1 text thingy to write at Romanian class.
And 2 books to read...But I like'em so no problem there. Books are nice...very nice.
I feel very colorful lately...I have no damn idea why tho.

First day ...

Of serious business school...We thought its gonna be a happy happy joy joy chit chat school day.
We were wrong.
We had to remember stuff at math and solve some problems, then got a shitload of homework to do. At Romanian class we had thy epic test... D: So damn hard to remember stuff...Did fuck all.
Then Physics where nobody remembered nothing... ._.
And History class...where, finally we chit chatted.
Except the fact that its horribly hot in class and hard to concentrate...my head was a little painful bitch all day...AND STILL IS...Everything is peachy! ;D
More tests to come...Lots of them...
This is going to be really damn fun...VERY FUN!
//headshot

Ow school...

I didn't miss you one bit...

So...I woke up at 07:30 A.M this morning (horrible early hour!) got ready for school, got there at 08:10 A.M, talked with my classmates for about 2 hours , then at 10:30 A.M we all got together to listen to all the crap and speeches all the teacher had to say about how happy they are to see us, all the students of the school again (filth and lies)...

Got back in class at about 11:00-11:30 A.M....Where we had to wait till 12:30 A.M to actually get our school books from the school library...Then waited till 13:30 P.M...When I finally was free to go home...

Got home at 14:00 P.M....My legs were in pain...They still hurt now..

Tomorrow we might have some tests and all that....Pffff...Like somebody actually studied something...We're all going to epicly fail... 

Wonderful...

But hey, I only have 27 weeks of school and then summer comes again!

27 weeks...Ow goodness...That's like...FOREVER! 

I really don't feel like waking up every morning from now on at 07:00 A.M... 

Talked with some of my female classmates about hairstyles we find most attractive for boys/guys/men...After I told them about my little innocent obsession for mohawks and liberty spikes mohawks...They kinda looked at me like some weirdo... Wankers....

Tomorrow...

School starts.... Man....I feel like this summer passed way to damn fast... //horrible horrible

Gotta start getting used to waking up early, doing homework, studying , tests, exams...

Ow boy...this is gonna be fun...

And I feel tired like Hell....Need more caffeine...

Anyway, yep...This is gonna be a fun fun year... A long , tiresome, fun year...

//sigh

I hate you soup!

Yesterday, after my mother finished cooking her soup...I went to eat some...
And it burned my tongue to shit! D:
So now it hurts horrible... I can't eat or drink anything without pain...
But damn that soup was tasty! ;D
Anyway, go listen to Otep's Fists Fall. It's awesome.

Song, y u so awesome?

I'm obsessed with this song lately... D: And I'm ugly.

A procrastinator says "Hello"

Good morning!

So, after 3 months of being very lazy...I decided to do my homework. 60 pages, to do in 3 days. Well 60 pages of horribly easy homework though. 

And after I do these 60 pages in my 3 days....school starts. And I'm terrified. 

Not that I'm usually so terrified of exams and school...But this year I have important exams. Exams that will choose a little part of my future. (A massive part for some, but since I want to become a makeup artist it won't affect me...that bad).

And I'm really in no mood for starting homework. I'm a vary lazy person... If I break free from all obligations I never ever want to go back. 

And my headphones just died...Now thats just gorgeous. 

But I guess I don't have to stress myself that bad, since the exams are at the end of this school year. I have time to study...Lots of time... And I can already hear the procrastinator in my head "Too much time! "...

Ow God....

And I'm hungry and I have nothing to eat right now.How amazingly awesome! This day already started horribly...I don't even want to know how its gonna end....

I have no idea what I am doing.

I guess I'm here cause I know I will be very stressed this year.
I can feel it.
And when I'm stressed I need to talk...About all sort of random stuff...
The idea of somebody actually reading what I'm thinking gives me comfort...
I'm tired...Lately I've been very tired...
I don't feel like talking....not now...Maybe tomorrow though .... ;D